Saguaro National Park sits just west of Tucson, and is a must see. The landscape is like a forest without foliage:
As if there'd been a fire.
And even though saguaros aren’t the friendliest of plant life, with their spikes and intimidating height (they grow to 50’ tall), they seemed sort of friendly to me. This one waving from across the road drew me in:
Cute, isn't it?
And the endless configurations of arms fascinated me:
Line and Curve
But after hiking around awhile, the landscape took on a different form. Sure, it’s like a forest, but a very… sexy forest:
I mean, come on.
Seriously. Phallus Forest.
Anybody? Or is this simply proof I’ve been single too long? It felt like I’d walked into a living ad for Good Vibrations and internet, it was making me frisky.
I know. I need help.
To shake off my inappropriate mood, I hiked the Signal Hill Trail to see some petroglyphs, though I fully expected someone, ancient or otherwise, to have carved pornographic images into the rocks just to taunt me. Luckily, I only saw elegant images like this:
Some say the spiral means water is or was nearby.
But the minute I emerged from the trailhead back to the phallic landscape, the feeling returned, with no relief in sight. Then fate intervened. Walking back to my car I heard a loud buzzing, then something small and malicious dive-bombed me.
I couldn’t see it so I swatted wildly. The buzzing continued. It dive-bombed me again. I swatted some more.
Then, whatever it was got caught in my hair. To say my reaction was agitated would be an understatement. I bent over, clawing at my hair and shaking it from side to side like a coked-up stripper.
I clawed and shook, clawed and shook. I couldn’t find the dive-bomber, but the buzzing stopped. Relief.
Then it stung me on the arm.
I got back to the car and managed to get the stinger out. The pain wasn’t too bad, though it had spread to my shoulder. As I waited to see if it was getting worse I picked up the Saguaro Sentinel the ranger had given me before my hike, where I saw this tidbit: Africanized honey bees (“killer bees”) live in the park.
Jesus.
They attack when their hive is threatened, so apparently to a killer bee, a randy girl is as good as a loaded gun. The paper helpfully advised running when bees attack, which I, of course, hadn’t done.
It was better than a cold shower.
i need a cigarette……
OMG, how do you come up with this stuff? “I bent over, clawing at my hair and shaking it from side to side like a coked-up stripper.” And how do you know the movements of coked-up strippers? Wait, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.
When we were moving back to California from Florida at the end of 1984, we drove through an area of saguaros on I-10. We stopped and took a picture of me standing next to one that looked like a hand flipping off the world.
OMG. I’m just glad there weren’t more bees. Now you know what to do or not to do. Gives me the creeps just thinking about it, I hate anything flying around me. Sorry you got stung.
By far my Favorite New Travel Blog of 2010… Off to send a link to friends -
I thought you were going to say it was a new breed of flying scorpion. Love the cactus pictures…stay safe!
I almost stepped on a rattlesnake when we were out in that area. We stopped by the side of the road and me with my sandles heard the rattle and stopped with my foot hovering above the snake. I backed up slowly then ran for the car. Yikes! It tainted my visit with the cacti. Bee stings, rattlesnakes – doesn’t seem like a friendly area, but it was beautiful!
Austin Lounge Lizards: Saquaro!
http://blip.fm/listen/M.+Stevens+A.+Clardy%7CAustin+Lounge+Lizards::Saguaro+eriz
You have been warned…. but they didn’t say anything about the killer bees.
Bob
Bob Giddings recently posted..Fall
if it’s any consolation more people die of bee stings than rattlesnake bites.
I guess you can imagine anything you want when you are looking at these Saguaro catcus!!!! Luckly one didn’t try to sting you too HAHAHAHA Ive seen the shapes you are imagining fascinating makes one stop and think uummm!!!! Didn’t hear about the bees thanks for the warning>>>>Free Bird
my,my, catholic girl. i never thought of saguaros that way. fortunately for your virtue they only grow in the sonora desert.
calm down. you’ll be out of there soon. try to think of a mexican in a sombrero sleeping against one.
pull off the freeway in any suburban az neighborhood this time of year and you’ll probably find a saguaro in a front yard with a santa claus hat or, if you’re really lucky, a trio dressed as the magi.
kb – I had three.
Deborah – I’m happy to report I’ve never been a coked-up stripper, I just have a good imagination. (Janet/Mom – you’re welcome.)
Janet/Mom – At least now I know what to do next time, although I’m not sure I could have outrun that bee. It seemed pretty determined.
KC – Thanks for the kind words. Glad you’re here.
Beth – If it had been a flying scorpion I’d still be curled up in a ball, hiding behind a giant phallic plant.
Manisha – Yikes, glad you got out of that one safely. It isn’t the most hospitable place in the country, but like you, I think it’s beautiful.
Bob – Love this, thanks for posting it.
Truman – Apparently I’m able to turn almost anything into an erotic object. I can’t decide if it’s a gift or a curse.
Mr. Chevere – Don’t even start me on the man in a sombrero.
Glad you liked it. The Austin Lounge Lizards are one of my favorite bands. Clever bunch of witty slacker satirists, who put out a number of albums. David Grundman was an actual person who died in 1982, approximately in the manner described in the song. He had a sidekick/accomplice, who survived to tell the tale.
I can see this blog is going to reach a …ah… climax sooner or later, with you waltzing off into the sunset with some lanky chisel-chinned cowboy. I look forward to a blow-by-blow account of the whirlwind courtship. I’d advise reading up on the grittier details of calf roping, as it may come in handy. How are you with a lariat?
Bob, who thinks starchy but civil schoolmarms with a tell-tale bead of sweat on their upper lips are a plausible part of any Western.
Bob Giddings recently posted..Fall
I’m seriously considering going to Cowgirl Camp in Gila, NM this spring! I hadn’t thought about using those roping skills beyond bovines, but you’ve inspired me to think outside the corral.
“Cowgirl Camp” huh? Yeah, right. This ain’t my first roundup, girlie.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeQti3VTG1M&feature=related
Things get even weirder around Clovis. Whatever you do, just don’t hit the Spanish button:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idWPn68XpE0&feature=related
Bob, who hopes you come “prepared”.
Bob Giddings recently posted..Fall
“El Vaquero!” Great.
“Apparently I’m able to turn almost anything into an erotic object. I can’t decide if it’s a gift or a curse.”
Perhaps it’s merely a temporary affliction. Everything’s a phallus if that’s what you want to find. Even the Scamp you live in would serve, were it upended, though a rather short one to be sure. Lying on it’s side, in normal configuration, it’s more like a little white suppository on wheels.
Hmmmmm. Nevermind. Don’t think I want to go there, atall….
Bob, who finds symbolism inescapable.
Bob Giddings recently posted..Fall
Oh, Bob. I won’t tell Sadie you said that.
>Even the Scamp you live in would serve, were it upended, though a rather short one to be sure.
Bob, it’s not only the length that count counts. Girth also matters. Also, aerodynamics.
I always wondered what I was doing wrong. Aerodynamics, huh? Wow! It’s amazin’ the stuff you can pick up in blogs.
Bob Giddings recently posted..Fall
An instant GoneScamping classic. Brilliant and hilarious. Even you had to be marveling at you with this one.
Jennifer recently posted..November Travel Expenses and Credit Card Debt Update
Unfortunately I didn’t see the disclaimer warning that this blog included “adult” content and innocently read the post expecting information about horticulture. Blush, blush, now I’m afraid that when I see a saguaro I won’t see a magestic cactus anymore – but a giant, prickly, phallic symbol. Oh my!
[Yeah, like I've never thought that before]
) Thanks for another great post – hope the bee sting is better.
Chris Bundy recently posted..The Sunflower
At first I saw the I need a cigarette comment, and thought that foul mouth little girl turned those heaving cacti reaching to the sky and massive boulders piled atop each into something tawdry and cheap. She totally missed the below every cactus pointing down is where a great Apache or Comanche or Chipiwah had fought a great battle to his own demise. Then when the killer Bee stung you in the Arm I figured you got your just reward, as mean as that sounds, I’m sorry for you. I know the pain, I’ve been hunted and overcome by Bees, and there was an occassion where I have outrun them, you can outrun them.
You do have a wonderful imagination, to come up with a stripper on coke as a likeness. I’m thinking though that this was a wonderful Hair Day for you, and I was so looking forward to that in Arizona. This may have been your undoing. You may have Shampooed and the essence trailing your mane which will drive the fermones wild in any male, surely attracts the bee. So young blossom, when you heard the buzzing stop, he probably was entangled, wings at rest, falling to your shoulder, decided he would take a bite(sting) for a taste of your nectar(who wouldn’t) someone as sweet as you, savoring your essence. Don’t hold it against the little guy, he meant no harm. Just taking without asking, and in a nasty way. Why I probably would have gone for the throat or just behind the ear, but thats me. Then again I’m closer to the Wolf than the Bee.
I hope Bob Giddings wasn’t refferring to you as a civil Schoolmarm, cause I think nothing could be farther from the truth. We both know you are very well schooled and civil, but I think Frank Zappa describes it best when he says Bovine persperation on her upper lip best describes the scene Bob may desire for his western. I personally hope you don’t ride off into the sunset with a cowboy as that would ruin all the sexual tension your building. Kinda like the Sitcom Cheers theme, you never wanted Sam to be tied down with the waitress, that ends the sexual tension quotients. Why come back to a new season.
I must submit to you this very important observation, you have deprived us all of one very important sense.
it can be argued that there are 7 senses, most believe there are 6, some only 5. It is a sense of the original 5 that you are depriving us from, and as there is an infinite vibe in the world and from my travels between Oregon, Arizona and Australia, this weeks theme has been the Bee. Something the Bee is not known for is, its sense of smell. This may seem crazy, but it is not the sense of smell from the bee, it is the smell from what the bee carries and the ability to impregnate plants with pollen. Its the pollen that smells on the flower, little blossom(your new indian name), in all of your blogs you have deprived us of this sensation, unless you count on your beer hall descriptions, or truck stop bathrooms or Steak House waftings.
Where are the desert smells and surrounding environs that pertain to time of day, was it musty from rain in the morning clear and crisp from a new breeze from the south, arid and petrid from rotting animals in the evening, or Starch and Cloroxy from the Bat Scat in the caves. Did the Icebergs crackle and pop releasing a crisp ionic charge to the air, ohhhh, wait I think that last on is Sarah Palin’s Alaska.
Anyhew thanks for a charming desert romp, hope to see you in the sunset with a pad and pencil sketching to your hearts content about and on whatever might lie beyond the next Malbec mountain.
Sincerely,
Life on The Surface
Jennifer – Thanks! Yes, it was one of those I-can’t-make-this-stuff-up days. I wish I had more adventures like it, for the sake of the blog, but for the sake of my longevity, it’s probably good I don’t.
Chris – Ha! The sting left me with a spectacular bruise, then itched like crazy for a few days. It’s better now.
Tusk – I’ll try to keep the sexual tension going as long as I physically can, and will also try to incorporate all senses into the writing. You’re a taskmaster!
the bee may not have been attacking you but only was enraged by being tangled in your hair. if you were threatening her hive she would not have been alone. i was paddling a surfboard when a drowning bee climbed aboard. it thought i was doing her a favor. she made a beeline(literally) to my foot and stung me. more misdirected bee rage.
i’ve heard meat tenderizer is good for bee stings. never tried it.
Maybe so, but that buzzing and dive-bombing made it seem like one enraged bee before it got tangled. We’ll leave it at misdirected bee rage.
Bees absolutely love me. I’ve been stung numerous times. I try SO hard to send out the message: I AM NOT AFRAID, I AM NOT
AFRAID. Matters not. The message I get back: “Nice you’re not afraid. Get ready for the pain!”
So…gone is the French Tickler, as you move on to Southwest Pricklers….
Previously attacked by Cholla Sticklers….
Friend and Susi – Ha!
It all makes me want to avert my eyes.
Roxanne recently posted..New converter Annie
Probably too late now but Lavender Oil is wonderful for burns and stings. If you happen to have some try it on the sting site.
Chris Bundy recently posted..The Sunflower
Roxanne – Then my work here is done.
Chris – It healed up fine on its own, but I’ll keep that in mind if it ever (no it will not) happen again.
This is great. In my tour of the country, I missed this type of scenery. I was more focused on Mountains, and canyons, and the traditional “beauty”, never really knew this could be so stunning.
Thanks for sharing!
Chris – Welcome! By stunning, I assume you mean phallic.